Dragons, Dreams, and Dunks (Not Really 😒)

It was a bit of a quiet week here in the middle of January. WOAH HUGE SURPRISE– Nonetheless, there’s still some good to tap into.

Truth is, I missed you guys–hope you’ve had a great week. Hopefully you headed out to CDA, demolished some Mac & Cheese and all you dude fiance’s out there don’t want to ring my neck for guiding your future mrs. to the wedding show last weekend. Why do you think I sustain a level of ambiguity with this newsletter?? Huh? Kidding. . . I’ll probably pull back the curtain in the future here, but–frankly–it’s kind of fun laying in my bed at night conversing with myself about being Batman:

I really resonate with the Seth Rogan Batman. . . That’s me “I’m Batman.”

All in all, that’s not really important, but the Lunar new year is—or is it? Too soon for celebrations (s/o TikTok ban)? I know all you creators are devastated. Unfortunately, I have zero power over the Supreme Court but do know a handful of incredible spots for you to get your Chinese food fix that will dampen the blow of the ban. . . Now look, I’ve had my fair share of trips to ole PF Changs, but I’m not clamoring on a Friday night for it. . . I’ve got some secrets you need to tap into — here are 3 killer spots you gotta know:

Red Dragon Noodle House (Formerly, Chans Noodle House): A couple of weeks ago, I made my bi-quarterly trek to the Flour Mill to get my hands on their dumplings. . . only to be notified by a kind lady: “He’s gone.” I said, “Oh yeah, WHERE IS HE?” She replied, 🤷. I proceeded to make a scene. . . Imagine a 6’4” Kevin McCalister throwing a fit in the Flour Mill over Chinese food. The good news is that I came across a post that mentioned a REBRAND. . . Hallelujah—and a location. Just off of Maple Street on the west side of town. Guys, they make everything fresh, simple menu, the Beef Noodle is unreal. Get all you can get your hands on.

. . . and OH YEAH I. LOVE. DUMPLINGS:

Black Straw: If you live in the Valley and ever drove down Sprague, you’ve likely driven by hundreds of times, but this’ll be the last time. Nothing screams fire Chinese food like a mid-asf storefront. . . and I’m being serious. If it looks like they spent no money on their facade, then I know ALL the focus is on the food. I’m a big Kung Pao Chicken guy, but you’ll never think about Panda again when you try some of their orange chicken. Plus, if you couldn’t guess by their name, the Boba tea rules. I usually lock in on the Hokkaido Milk Tea.

Chinatown Restaurant:  Alright Idahoans, and Spokies—found this spot on the way down from the ski mountain. Their glowing sign drew me in like a moth to a flame. I was not to be denied something a little sweet, a little spicy, a little heaven, a little hell—and I got it. . . the General Tso’s and Orange Chicken my cousin and I shared rocked my world via massive portions. Make sure you show up on an empty stomach, because you’ll want pretty much everything—with some potstickers and egg rolls on the side!

So, whether you’re deep in Spokane, kicking it in the Valley, or making moves in CDA, these spots are gonna upgrade your Chinese food game. As I was putting together a list and finding more spots to go, I scoffed at the area’s top Chinese spots when I saw Panda Freakin’ Express made the top 5 🙄. Up your international cuisine game, and when you’re done, give these spots killer reviews. . . they’ve earned it—moving on! HIIIYAAAAA!

Trouble in Paradise 🏝️

I don’t think Zags fans are out of place at this point for wanting to press the panic button. . . I haven’t lived in a world where our team looked this. . . shaky (for lack of a better term). I don’t know what the hell has happened since November, but it’s almost as if our team got broken up over text by a synchronized ex-girlfriend attack. It’s the same guys—just seems like their heads are elsewhere. . . I always come back to building up the community, but you’re thinking it, I’m thinking it, we’re all thinking it. . . and GUESS WHAT?! Misery loves company.

I’ll admit, though, there are some good things going on around the area from a sports standpoint that will make you feel like the elitist Zags fan that we’ve been for over two decades. . . here’s what’s coming down the pipe:

Sure, the Zags have gotten the boot from the Top 25. . . but right now, the Spokane Chiefs are in 2nd in the WHL Western Conference and primed to take that numero uno spot. So far, the youngsters have shown tons of grit and have put on quite a show. As long as I can remember, the games are a blast too. . . grab a beer, get a little wild, chest bump a random stranger, and people-watch. . . my God, is it funny to watch a fully grown man grow beet-red from heckling a 16-year-old hockey player from the other team.

• Let’s get down to business: on Friday, the Chiefs host the Medicine Hat Tigers at the Arena—the game starts at 7:05. Have a ball (or puck). Get your tickets here.

***sorry for that dad joke, I cringed too.***

Alternatively, if you see the Zags’ lull as the necessary turbulence to cruising altitude, then tune in as we play Portland—which we should probably. . . w—Nah, I won’t say it. . . too much bad juju right now.

• The game starts at 5PM–you can catch on SWX.

Right now, the Lady Zags are on a 5-game winning streak—very quietly holding court in the WCC. . . and thank God somebody is. Unfortunately, they’re in Malibu this weekend, which is great for them but stinks for us!

Moral of the story? Spokane sports are alive and kicking, even if the Zags are wobbling. Get out there, support our teams, and remember—we’ve had it damn good for a looooong time, but I’m not ready to embrace humility.

Ready to Step Up to the Plate?
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Time To Go Yard Baby! 

So here’s something novel that you should get into—the first I’ve seen of its kind. . . recreational batting cages. . . basically the baseball equivalent of golf simulators. At Hitters, enjoy some drinks, batter up, and annihilate the white ball. Same concept, but make it America’s favorite pastime.

For you baseball parents, taking your kid to practice has never rocked more. . . and if your son or daughter is playing with family friends, you can just turn batting practice into happy hour. They’ve got an abundant selection of adult beverages, handcrafted pizza, and a kick-ass atmosphere. Plus theres two locations in Spokane or Liberty Lake.

Oh, and by the way, if your personality hangs heavily on your golf handicap like some of my buddies, there’s also a—wait for it—golf simulator, and the bays are huge.

I know I’m about to channel my inner Happy Gilmore when I step in this thing:

I implore you to get a reservation, so you’re not nixed out of one of their suites options. 

TINA YOU FAT LARD COME WATCH THIS SHOW:

This wasn’t on my bingo card—at all—but I’ve seen people rocking the “Vote for Pedro” shirt and reciting Uncle Rico’s rhetoric for almost 20 years. So, I know there are some Napoleon loyalists out there. Now’s your chance to relive the awkward glory of Preston, Idaho, and all its tater-tot-fueled weirdness.

Here’s the deal: Napoleon Dynamite Live is rolling into Spokane on January 25th at the Bing Crosby Theater. Not only will there be a screening of the cult classic, but Jon Heder (Napoleon himself), Efren Ramirez (Pedro), and Jon Gries (Uncle Rico) will be hosting a live Q&A after the show. It’s like stepping into 2004—minus the flip phones and frosted tips.

Are you here for nostalgic vibes? The quirky humor? Personally, I was hoping LaFawnduh, Kip, and Rex Kwon Do would make an appearance to deliver another great martial arts demonstration.

Tickets are moving faster than Napoleon’s bo staff skills, so snag yours before they’re gone. >>> Buy Your Tickets Here >>>

And maybe try to sneak in some tots. *Always bring tots.

A Step Inside Historic Boutique Hotel: 

Surrounding the confines of the legendary Gilded Unicorn is the historic Montvale, Spokane’s oldest boutique hotel—and now you can waltz right in and soak it all up. This Thursday, January 23rd, they’re throwing open the doors for an Open House that’s practically begging you to daydream about your future wedding, corporate gathering, or that 40th birthday bash you’ve been avoiding planning.

You’ll stroll through elegantly restored spaces steeped in history, all while enjoying some delicious food (fingers crossed for finger food), swaying to live music, and snagging exclusive giveaways. Let’s not overlook the 20% off venue rental if you book within seven days—because, in this economy, who doesn’t love a deal?

Now, the Montvale can become a blank canvas for whatever vision you’re cooking up. So RSVP here, take a stroll, and let the charm of this place do the rest.

Spontaneous. Classy. OH MY!

Looking for a night that oozes sophistication and showcases Spokane's artistic heartbeat? The Chamber Soirée at The Davenport is your ticket.

On Wednesday, January 24th, immerse yourself in an intimate musical experience that blends classical chamber music with the timeless elegance of Spokane's iconic Davenport Hotel.

Expect an evening of rich, melodic performances by the Spokane Symphony’s chamber ensemble. Set in the opulent Marie Antoinette Ballroom, this soirée is better than a concert—you can enjoy music and feel–for a moment–like you're better than everyone else. . . and I’ll go along with it, you cultured art aficionado. With its historic architecture and intimate setting, the venue makes every note feel personal.

You don’t have to be a classical expert, be a newbie for all I care–looking to elevate your midweek plans, this event promises to leave you enchanted.

📍 Where: Marie Antoinette Ballroom, The Historic Davenport Hotel
📅 When: Thursday, January 23rd, 7:30 PM
🎟️ Tickets: Starting at $45—grab yours before they’re gone!

I highly recommend arriving early to soak in the ambiance, sip on a glass of wine, and let the grandeur of the Davenport set the tone for an unforgettable evening. So text your significant other at work and let them know they have plans tonight. Buy tickets here!

Mighty Upgrades Coming to the Valley:

Alright, Spokane Valley is flexin’ big time. The city council is throwing that lodging tax revenue into something awesome. Those funds have been collecting dust, and now they’re being funneled into some killer projects aimed at making the Valley the ultimate go-to spot for entertainment and fun.

Unbeknownst to me, every time someone books a hotel or vacation rental in the Valley, a slice of that cash goes into a special fund. Well, guess what? Those dollars are now being reinvested into community projects to boost tourism and make the Valley a bit more attractive. And hey, as a Valley kid—when your college teammates used to call your home the “dirty Val,” you kinda hope some improvements are on the way.

We’re talking upgraded venues, fresh entertainment options, and a whole lot more reasons to kick around the Valley. 👀 What’s on the docket? Upgrades to places hosting everything from music to art to sports. It’s like the Valley is calling its own number and saying, “Yeah, we’re worth it.” The goal? Keep the visitors coming, keep the locals stoked, and make Spokane Valley shine brighter than your cousin’s bedazzled jean jacket.

So, whether you’re planning a staycation or just need a solid reason to leave your house, remember this: the Valley’s using tax dollars to throw down for the community. And honestly, it’s looking like a win for all of us. >>>Check out the full story here>>>

I’ll make no bones about it—this week was quiet asf, and it shows. Stay tuned. . . I’ll make the next edition a bit BOOZEY up in here.